I’m sure you’ve noticed the declining frequency of the blogs. It took me a while to figure out just why it was getting harder. Life is so routine that unless something unusual happens or the rare epiphany, there just doesn’t seem like anything to write about that I think would be interesting.

So this is one of the epiphany posts…ok so not really an epiphany more like a flicker.

Have you ever noticed that you’ve changed? Not like changed your hair but something fundamental changed? Has it ever taken you by surprise?

I had one of these moments recently. I used to (and probably still do more than I realize) have a need to participate in a debate. If we were talking about something and our views differed, the need to defend myself, my point, my experience, my knowledge, my whatever was always the strongest influence for me to continue. It’s ok if we end up going with a compromise or even with your option but somewhere in this I’ve got to justify that I know where I’m coming from. I NEED you to know that I have the smarts to make a good decision.

After this recent interaction, I admit I was a bit flustered but I never felt the need to put you in your place, to dress you down, or prove that maybe just maybe I actually do know what I’m talking about. I had no need to present my resume or list of my past experiences that lend credence to my argument.

Days later I began to explore why that had changed. What was different now? Surely mere time can’t deaden the kind of passion with which I used to engage (ahem, that may be a little polite).

Is it maturity? Have enough of these battles taken place in the past that I just recognize when someone doesn’t have any desire but to get their way? Or is it something bigger? Something like spiritual maturity where I don’t feel the need to make you feel small for basing such big thoughts on such little experience? Is it just that I now recognize that I’m ‘debating’ with a fellow creation? That I know time will help prove my point, even if it means a loss now? Is this what Jesus meant when he said to turn the other cheek?

I know this whole thing sounds a bit elementary but it’s strange when you realize that you are no longer are who you used to be. Yes I may be who I had behaviorally modified myself to be but now it’s who I actually am. No outward appearance. No keeping a lid on it. No pretense.

Whether it’s spiritual maturity or just the plain old regular kind of maturity I think I’m happy that it takes me a little bit closer to who I think Christ is. Someone who doesn’t stoop to engage in petty arguments. That doesn’t let their pride rule their interactions with others. (Ok that is a big stretch for the current reality of me, but hopefully I’m getting there.)

2 Responses to “Hmmmm”

  1. Kim Watson says:

    You are a talented writer my friend! Jesus in your heart has given you a rare wisdom to see things for what they are & articulate them in a way that by no means makes one feel their views are wrong. You help us take another look at life & situations from different perspective. Honored to know you friend!

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